Cock of the Year

crazy hippie man .happy expression

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You gotta follow your heart. I used to be a consultant, worked 7am to 8pm and over the weekends. I made good money, supported my family, but the constant rush and doing work that didn’t play to my strengths… I wasn’t happy. So I quit.

They tell you to use your biggest assets. Well, I got a big dick. I walked into an adult casting agency and landed a job as a pornography actor. Bingo. I made even more money and I’m a 3-time platinum Cock of the Year. But my dumb wife Stacy wouldn’t take the money I brought home, said it was dirty, which was dumb because she couldn’t pay for our little girl’s food or schooling and now the little girl’s eating Cheez Wiz and illiterate. And so now Stacy’s my dumb ex-wife.

I was a big star and appearing on screens worldwide, but I still wasn’t happy. Again, you gotta follow your heart. I decided to donate my time and money to something meaningful. I found this Swedish charity called Welfare Group Disabled and Sexuality—“FAB” in Swedish—that arranges erotic services like massages and sex for the physically disabled for around 65 Swedish dollars. Sold. Heck, I told them, I’ll do it for free. I poured 95% of my finances into FAB and bought a one-way ticket to Sweden. Bye, dumb Stacy!

Instantly, I felt more fulfilled. Today, my dick and I make the world a better place. As I said before, do what makes you happiest. Well I’m out here in Sweden making paraplegics and sideways Melissa with five eyes and a tail more rambunctious than the Lord’s seen in years. Cock of the Year.

 

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