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“Breastmilk is 2018’s hottest superfood—you heard it from me first! I SWEAR by its immunity-boosting benefits, and the best part is that it’s completely FREE. Every morning, I pump out a fresh batch of raw boob juice for my man and my post-workout snack. Super creamy and ultra-replenishing! We blend it in our Vitamix with organic protein powder for speedy muscle recovery and half a tablespoon of chlorophyll to detox from GMO’s and non Himalayan salt lamp-cured air. I like to mix in chia seeds so I shit out all my food from the night before and now my stomach’s flatter than my personality. Also, my infant son needs a milk donor.”