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Hi! Uh, yeah, my name is Randall—that’s R-A-N-D-A-L-L, as in “Randall”—and I’d like to make a reservation for one.

Mhm, a table for one, please. For Saturday, preferably sometime between 7-9pm. I like to dine late on the weekends.

Oh, and I know McDonald’s is one of the most popular restaurants in the world, so you’re probably almost always busy! That’s why I’m actually making this reservation 6 months in advance. It’s for Saturday, April 20th of next year. What can I say? I like to plan ahead.

In fact, and I plan to remind you guys of this as we get closer to the date, this reservation is for my 32nd birthday! So it’s a pretty big deal. And I know it’s going to be just me at the table, but I hope I still get some free birthday cake with candles and maybe a few employees to sing the birthday song…? Just saying, that would be pretty cool!

…Oh… so you’re saying you don’t take reservations? You’re busting my balls, Mickey D’s!