I’ve Been On Hold for 3 Days Straight


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Forget Spotify and Pandora, this is the real deal: every day I call various customer support numbers just for the sweet, sweet jazz they play when they put me on hold. I love the way the brass marries the static of the phone line. Like rich chocolate mixed with a dash of spice. Such zing!

I have my favorite stations. My heavy rotation includes Barnes and Noble, Costco, and Crate and Barrel. These three companies take forever to pick up, which means more free music for me! The best part? No commercials!

Crate and Barrel actually plays Enya sometimes, if you’re lucky! This never fails to make me feel like I’m at a spa retreat. I place cucumber slices over my eyes and relax on my recliner until customer service is ready to speak with me. Sometimes, it takes so long that my phone gets super hot and serves as a warm compress against my face. How luxurious!

Now I don’t shop at these places, and I don’t have any questions to ask them. But when the representatives finally pick up and ask me “How may I help you,” I smile and tell them I’ve already been helped. I thank them, because the best way they could have possibly supported me was by blessing my ears with their smooth buttery tunes.

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