(image link)

Look, when you’ve been livin’ for as long as me kid, you just schlep through the days an’ they get long.

This mornin’ first thing is I made me an egg salad. Five pounds egg salad ’cause I always overshoot, but then I dropped it on the floor so then 3 pounds. Miriam’s always kvetsching, she says at me “Dannis why can’t you just hold y’egg salad. You got two hands!” Then I says, “Miriam dear. My hands got HOLES between the fingers… whaddayawant!”

Look, I love me a good egg salad but I’ve been tellin’ my Miriam agin and AGIN PLEASE… make it on white bread ok. She always go for the whole wheat but I says to her, the white bread is just FINE ok…

Then I walked to the placemat factory, I walk every day. Look kid, I’ve been workin’ at The Placemat Factory! Co. for some 75 years, and I’m 80. Now THAT’S a job! I was a boy when I started… big Boss liked me fast little fingers.

Now my hands, they’re all rough so Boss lemme make them big doormats in the placemat factory. Ah, FINALLY, a promotion! L’chaim! I remember the day. Best day of my life! Now I work on Floor 2, 3 floors up. But Nancy is a bitch and so damn disalexis. Always switchin the “l” and the “c” in “Welcome”…..women!!!!