Rebecca Has Really Slick Lips

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I, like, literally don’t know what I would do without chapstick. I always have it on me. My lips are always dry. Like, always.

…Well, not always, because I’m always applying chapstick. At the park, in line for coffee, in class, at the SATs, during dinner, after dinner, sometimes even for dinner, if I get the cherry kind. Mm. Juicy.

My lips are, like, buttery smooth. They feel like actual chapstick. If someone were to blindfold you and make you touch a used chapstick, and then my lower lip, you wouldn’t feel any difference. You’d be like, that’s just two chapsticks dude. And that’s how buttery they are.

If I were stranded on a deserted island and could only bring one thing with me, I’d definitely bring my chapstick. I mean, no question. The hot sun would absolutely destroy my lips. I mean, it would rip them to shreds. I’d definitely need my chapstick then.

Why, exactly, do I need to keep my lips so soft and supple? Honestly, I don’t know. It doesn’t make my life any easier. Sometimes my chapstick makes my food taste like wax. And when I’m making out with people, their lips slip all over the place because my lips have no grip. Negative grip, even, slick as oil. Because they’re just *that* smooth.

God, I love chapstick.

Chapstick.

 

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