I… I’m Not Klaus


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I’ve made a grave mistake.

Approximately four minutes ago, this woman ran up to me open arms and all, crying hysterically, “Oh my GOD, Klaus, is that really YOU? After all this time, you came back for me! Oh, Klaus!” I… I didn’t know how to react. I have negative experience in love and have never touched a female romantically before. Before I knew it, I was hugging her back.

Again, this was four minutes ago. We’ve been hugging for four very long minutes.

I’m not Klaus. I don’t know Klaus, and I don’t know how I’m going to get out of being him. But apparently these lovebirds shared QUITE the night years ago and were supposed to meet each other here today, because pinky dinky promises and true love or whatever she keeps mumbling into my neck. Seriously, how the FUCK does this woman not realize I’m not Klaus?

This is all rather awkward and a little scary, but weirdly nice. I’ve never hugged someone for so long before, and her hair smells REALLY good. Like poached pears and the earth, or something like that. ALSO, from the brief few seconds I got to see it, her crying face was kinda super pretty!

…Would it be wrong to just be Klaus from now on?

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