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Midterms are coming up. We might lose some of our boys. That’s why we got our Boof-Dawg for morale, he’s promised to give us all a good time and I know he’s gonna come through. Invite is real Republicans only. You know how it works: the newest initiates throw the parties for the rest of us.

I know Republicans were divided on letting Brett into our elite club, but in the end he seemed like a cool guy. Throws parties n’ shit. Not great with the women, but at least he really loosens up all the politics in this place, makes work less stuffy.

Because like, running the country doesn’t seem like work when you’re sipping on Coronas.

Anyway, message from Brett: if you’re a real Republican, if you’re a real Conservative, and especially if you fuck bitches, come through to our Election Night USA-themed rager at none other than the Boof-Dawg’s basement! Rain or shine, majority or not, win or lose, we’ve already ruined this country. Bottoms up, boys!