The white man is oppressed! Y’all don’t believe it? Well, look right here before you at this honest-to-goodness delicious Southern breakfast joint! They tainted it, soiled it with a white slur. Called it fucking “Cracker Barrel”—you think we gon’ sit here sippin’ our sweet tea on our front porches takin’ that shit? Ain’t nobody call us “Crackers” and ain’t nobody gon’ make me feel all shameful for gettin’ my Maple Jam n’ Bacon Burger. Go git ‘em, fellas! Give ‘em that ass whoopin’! Show ‘em we sure as hell proud to be white!