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Uh oh. 2 minutes left until it’s been 4 hours. Do I, like, seek help or something?

Seriously, how long is too long? I’ve been sitting here sweating through my shirt, I’m tense all over and my asscheeks are sore from clenching so hard.

…1 minute left now. I haven’t left the side of my bed since it kicked in. It was kinda cool for the first 30 minutes, but the last 3.5 hours have been absolute hell. Like watching a plant grow in real time. I’m hot, flustered, anxious, and bored all at the same time.

Well there it goes, 4 hours exactly. Does this mean I go to the hospital now? I mean, the commercials DO say “seek immediate help if you experience an erection lasting more than 4 hours,” and it’s not “more than” yet….or is it? Do seconds count? Because I’m like, 23 Mississip seconds over.

I guess I’ll wait. Maybe this minute’s the one.

…Aaaaand nope, I’m 1 minute over. MAN, this Viagra shit really works! I guess it’s time to call now.

..
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…..Hello? Doc? It’s been 4 hours and the longest minute of my life and I can still, like,  knock on my penis.